If we established a “stress scale” from 0 to 100, with 100 being the highest, losing a loved one to suicide would rank at 100 – the highest stress level imaginable.
Suicide.org is 501c3 nonprofit organization, whose mission is to prevent suicides, support suicide survivors, and educate the public about suicide.
If you have been touched by suicide, please visit this website
Kevin Caruso, the Founder and Director of Suicide.org has heard have heard many statements like these from the friends and loved one’s of suicide victim:
- It was my fault.
- I should have seen some signs.
- I should have done something.
- I feel responsible.
- I did not do enough.
- I should have listened more.
- I should have spent more time with him/her.
- I should have taken him/her to a therapist sooner.
- I will never forgive myself.
- I could have done more.
- Why didn’t I see any signs?
- I just didn’t know enough. it’s my fault.
If you have said or felt anything similar to the statmemts mentioned above, then you are experiencing something that is very normal.
The deep pain of losing a loved one to suicide can bring out many questions and doubts.
But please be gentle with yourself.
And please always remember that it was not your fault.
Over 90 percent of the people who die by suicide were suffering from depression or a similar mental illness at the time of their death.
And often the people who are suffering from depression or a similar mental illness do everything that they can to hide their illness because of the social stigma associated with it. Innumerable suicide survivors have told me that there was no indication at all of a mental illness or serious problem in the life of their loved one before he or she died by suicide.
And even if it was not clear that a mental illness existed, it was the mental illness that caused the suicide, not you.
When a chemical imbalance exists in someone’s brain, he or she cannot possibly think straight.
Again, the reason people die by suicide is this: mental illness.
The suicide was not your fault.
Suicide is extremely painful. And it is very difficult to move on after a suicide.
And looking for “closure” after a suicide is a natural thing to do.
Kevin suggests that you not focus on closure, because it will never happen. The pain will always be there, and the challenges that the suicide has placed before you will never disappear.
And you will never find the answers to all of your questions about the suicide. Some questions in life simply have no answers.
Focus on living your life one day at a time. In the best way that you can.
Focus on healing.
Focus on CELEBRATING the life of your suicide angel.
Focus on getting help for you and your family.
Focus on HELPING OTHERS who are in pain.
Focus on loving others.
And remember that the intense pain that you are feeling represents the great LOVE that you have for your angel.
And the love that you have for your angel will never “close.” And thus the pain will never “close.”
No, there is no “closure.”
There is just love.
Rest in Peace J.P.